The Reason
by CGEclipsed16
Summary: Eclipse Spoiler: Edward's POV. Bella returns from Jacob's house in tears.
1. The Cold

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from the Twilight Saga—they belong to Stephenie Meyer. And I do not own the song, "The Reason," by the band Hoobastank. Hope you enjoy. _

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******I've found out a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you**

I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know  
A reason for all that I do  
And the reason is you

******--Hoobastank, "The Reason."**

**Edward: **

Alice had told me she had seen Bella upset.

And driving.

Danger is always following her. But, I knew what had happened, and I knew I had to be there for Bella, just as Jacob had been there for her when I had …left her.

I didn't waste a moment, and arrived to where she was sobbing rather quickly.

I didn't wait for Bella to see me; I opened the driver's door and held her in my arms. Like a small child. I could feel, hear…her heart breaking.

Had I caused this much pain in the past?

"Bella…shhh..." I whispered against her ear, brushing my fingertips through her hair, down her small back. She didn't stop sobbing though, and I didn't mind. I held her tightly.

I never wanted to lose my Bella again.

I never wanted to see her cry like this ever again. For a moment, I wondered what Jacob had said to her to make her so upset, but… I knew that it was best…for his sake, that I remain blind to the problem.

Alice drove my car home, as I took over Bella's truck and drove slowly….for her sake.

I wondered what Charlie would think when he saw Bella this way. Would he jump to conclusions and think it was me? I sighed, nodding to myself…

Bella's hands never left my shirt; she never left my side. She tucked herself under my arm and cried. I felt so helpless.

I didn't know what would make her happy. I didn't know what words would cause her more pain.

When we arrived to her house, she looked out the window confused. Perhaps she thought I would take her to my house, but I knew… that she should be home. She would need to sleep off the tears.

"I'll meet you upstairs." I whispered and kissed her gently on the cheek.

She nodded, wiping some of her tears away. It didn't help though. Her beautiful face was red; puffy.

"Bella? What happened?" I was waiting for Charlie's thoughts to go directly to me.

"Bella!" Charlie called again when she didn't reply. I knew she was having a hard time gripping words.

"We just…had to… say goodbye." I heard her whisper.

I knew this deep down.

I waited for Bella to come up the stairs, and the moment she closed the door, she slid down to the floor and cried, curling her knees to her face. I picked her up gently and placed her on her bed; her hands wrapped around me and didn't let go of me.

"Please…" She sobbed. "Don't go."

"I won't go anywhere, Bella." I whispered against her wet face and kissed her forehead.

I wondered what Jacob had said. What she had said…

I hated feeling so helpless. I wanted to wipe her tears away. To wipe her sadness away…

I closed my eyes and began to hum her lullaby in her ear. Her sobs reduced to hiccups after an hour or so, and she was asleep.

I kissed her cheek as she sighed and murmured my name in her sleep.

I wanted her to know that she could cry when she wanted to. That she could let herself go with me.

I wouldn't leave her.

I wouldn't turn her away.

And just in case, when she awoke…

I had grabbed a box of tissues.


	2. The Warmth

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from the Twilight Saga. They belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. ...because I simply am not creative to make them up! lol. _

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**Edward:**

Bella's puffy eyes were full of regret when she awoke in my arms.

My shirt had dried off during the night…

Her almost-never-ending tears had soaked a few part through, but I hadn't minded.

I touched her face gently, brushing my fingertips over her cheeks, her lips…

Trying to reach her in some way. Bring her back to me.

Bring life back into her sad eyes.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. She didn't need to be sorry. She never had to be sorry about anything. I was the one who should have been sorry. I should never have left her. I shouldn't have ever…

If I hadn't left…

Bella would never have found herself in the mess…

If I had stayed out of her life…

If I had only persuaded myself to leave that first day.

To leave and never come back.

But I had seen my family's faces. I couldn't disappoint them in such a way. I was better than that. Or… that's what Carlisle kept saying to me.

Sometimes it was so hard to believe that I was better than a normal vampire.

I was a monster.

Why couldn't Bella just see that?

Jacob had no qualms in seeing the hideous side to me.

Though, that's all he saw in my kind. The horrible coldness.

We were all like stones.

I looked at Bella; her eyes cautious. Perhaps she was waiting for me to be disappointed with her. I could see in her eyes that she had realized that she had loved him… and I expected it. I knew that deep down, she loved him. It was in the way she said his name; the way she had insisted on seeing him…when I had been so set against it.

But I had known…realized…that if it was him that would make her happier…

Then I knew I had to let go.

I knew he would be better for her. Give her a normal life.

He wouldn't have to take away her immortality to keep her by his side…

Not like me.

I grazed my finger tips gently over her skin, down her neck…and drifted down to her hand, and held it in mine.

"Its okay, Bella." I whispered, leaning over and gently kissed her forehead. I wanted her to know that things would be okay. She shook her head.

"You should hate me."

"No…Bella. Never." I whispered, hugging her to me. I felt her hands on my face, in my hair, on my shoulders… I wanted to tell her she wasn't dreaming. I was really here. I hadn't left her side.

I wouldn't dare.

"It's okay." I murmured again. Why did it feel like I was trying to tell myself it was okay?

"Edward…" She began and looked up at me. Her eyes searching my face. For what? We both weren't getting an easy way out. We both loved each other. We both wanted to be with each other…

Didn't we?

"I love you." She murmured.

There was my answer.

My heart felt light.

Perhaps because it's never felt heavy. It never worked properly…

Until this moment.

I felt a warmth…that I never felt before, fill me… pulse through me.

It was Bella's love.


	3. A Memory

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga. lol. _

_A/N: Alot of requests asked me to continue this story, so, after spending a whole night thinking about how I could, and after reading a few chapters from "Twilight" I finally figured it out. Hope you like it! Remember to Review!_

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**Edward:**

"_What does it matter to you?" _Her voice rang through my ears, as if she had just said the words to me. What had it mattered to me then…?

We had been sitting in Biology.

And I had seen her unhappiness; I had seen the front she had been putting up toward everyone. With my experience and growth over time, it was easy to pick out those people who hid behind their faces. It was almost like now. Her front toward me.

Trying to make me think that what had happened between her and Jacob…

"_What does it matter to you?" _

"_That's a very good question." _And it had been. At the time, I was more intrigued by her strength. Her inner strength that not most girls had. Defiantly not here in Forks. I was amused by Mike Newton's thoughts toward me, as I sat so close to Bella. He didn't have anything to be jealous of.

"_Am I annoying you?" _I looked down at Bella, who was cuddled next to my side. I slid my fingers through her hair gently, brushing her back with my fingertips, making her shiver. I watched the Bella in my mind lift her lips in a small smile.

"_Not exactly…I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read—my mother always calls me her open book."_ If only she had known the truth. She wasn't as "open book" as her mother may have described her as. Perhaps that was a connection that only mother and daughter could have…but my connection was different.

I could hear her heart beating fast—I was suddenly addicted to the sound. It wasn't as if there was a mouse scurrying in front of a hungry cat…it was like…

I was transfixed to it.

I wished suddenly that if there was a time and place for me to die…

That her heart beat be the last thing I heard.

"_On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read."_

I saw her attraction toward me; her initial interest. I had known…and perhaps that is what made it so hard for me to resist her. Perhaps it wasn't her blood that caused my reaction. It was just her.

Just Bella.

She seemed to categorize herself as an outsider. Like me. Though, I was hardly given the chance to categorize myself as anything else. I would always be the outsider. I would always be the one lurking in the shadows, watching everyone else.

It didn't seem fair that she be stuck with the same fate as me.

Perhaps that is why, even now…as the memory was pushed back into my mind, I was so hesitant to change her. She looked up at me with her brown eyes and touched my lips with her finger.

"What are you thinking about Edward?"

I smiled at her.

"I was thinking of a memory."

"Oh?" She whispered, curiously. I didn't want to push her mind back into the past. Not when the wounds were so vulnerable.

Not when her heart was beating softly now

No longer hurting as much as it did before.

I didn't want to be a monster…and cause her more pain.

"When we first talked in Biology." I whispered, thinking of how strange the words were. Of all my years…of all the people and the places…I had met Bella at High School. Talked to her in Biology… and loved her every step of the way.

I loved her as I held her close to me in Italy.

I loved her even when I had seen her slam her window down on me… and then quickly shoved it back up.

I loved her…

She smiled hesitantly, and slid her fingers down my arm, and laced her fingers with mine.

"No wonder I was so hard to read." She whispered; she must have also remembered our brief conversation. She looked up at me and sat up slowly, her hair drooping over her shoulder.

"But I'm happy now."

"Are you?"

"Well, it's not everyday you get to be loved by a vampire." She laughed.

I was glad to see laughter in her eyes.

"Yes, well…I suppose it only happens once in a great while." I mused, and cupped her face in my hands.

"Are you ready to go downstairs and face the world, Bella?" I asked softly, glancing at her. Her face seemed wounded…the scars would be there for a great while, but I would love her despite it.

"Five more minutes?" She asked playfully, hope lurking in her eyes.

I nodded and pulled her into an embrace.

"Five more minutes."


	4. My Reason

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight Saga Characters. They belong to Stephenie Meyer._

_A/N: Thank you again for the wonderful reviews. (And following this, there is going to be a story that is kinda a sequal--requested by a fan.) I hope you enjoy. Definatly Review. Any suggestions as to what should happen in the sequal--go ahead and lay em on me!) Thank you for the wonderful support!_

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**Edward:**

Five minutes was a stretch.

**A long one.**

"Bella…" I murmured, glancing down at her. As much as I enjoyed lying with her…absorbing the hours with her in my arms, I could hear Charlie's concerned thoughts, and I knew it was time for her to make an entrance for the day instead of lying around.

Instead of letting the pain of what happened eat at her.

As much as I wanted to lay there, hold her…keep her company. Listen to her peaceful silence, I knew what was best.

"You really should go downstairs." I murmured, brushing her hair away from her neck and gently kissing her pulse. It wasn't a temptation as much as it used to be.

It was a comfort to her though.

Her heart relaxed as I kissed her neck softly, and slowly moved my lips to her shoulder.

"Charlie thinks he should talk to Jacob." I said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked at me with concerned eyes. "I wish he wouldn't think that….not if he knew that we already…talked enough." She murmured, glancing up at me.

Perhaps she was still waiting for me to get up and leave.

To tell her I had had enough of her games; of Jacob's games.

But I knew it wasn't her fault.

It was mine.

_I_ had done this.

Not her.

She couldn't control fate. She couldn't control Black's actions…even though I would love to. For a moment, I felt a rage; A hatred for him.

For causing her pain.

For making her cry…

And then I saw the images he had shared. The images he had remembered. Bella's face in the rain; cringed with grief. Tears… were spilling.

My heart ripped.

How was I supposed to live with myself… knowing what I did?

What I did to all of us. It wasn't even Black's fault for falling for Bella. It was mine. I allowed the window to be open between the both of them.

"Edward…" Her voice pulled me back to reality. To the now…instead of what had happened in the past.

"Edward…" Her hands were on my face; her lips were on mine. She had seen the look of horror; the regret…

Her lips were so soft. Soft and warm. I always found that I could get lost in her lips. Close my eyes and then…the monster would taunt me.

And I would pull away.

Leaving her wanting more.

Leaving myself to want more.

I could never get enough…but I knew I had to stop before the monster within me took over. I couldn't let my evil side win.

The same red eyes—bloodshot and evil filled my mind and I quickly pulled away. Her face was neutral. My '_Switzerland._' I thought with a smile.

"Let's go…" She whispered with a curious nod. I knew she wondered what I was thinking…but I didn't want to share it. It was better off left unsaid.

And I knew she trusted my judgment.

I didn't want to hurt her.

Not ever again.

I pulled her into my arms for one last embrace before she opened the door.

"I love you." I whispered against her lips as I kissed her. "Never forget that."

She smiled. "I won't…"

"I'll meet you downstairs in five minutes." I whispered and watched her nod and leave her room.

The room stood still when she wasn't there. It wasn't the same.

It felt cold.

… Or was that just me…?

I heard Charlie greet her kindly…and carefully, and she embraced him.

She knew how to handle him. I figured I would give them father-daughter time. Especially since we would tell Charlie our news soon.

And then… her life would be very different…

And so would mine.

I walked to the window and jumped down to the solid ground and waited.

Waited for the right time.

I could wait all day.

I knew I had found my reason to be.


End file.
